Bit of a review of my year, bit of everything in my life (and not).
Christmas. The season of giving. Really isn’t. To me, every day is the season of giving.
Friends would know that I often go out of the way to help them, talk to them, and care about them.
Except that I dont.
No. Not that I don’t care about them. Instead, I just don’t see whatever I do as “going out of the way”. Sure, it may seem so, but to me it is just small little gestures that can make someone’s day.
People ask me why I do this. I cannot give you a direct answer. Well, on the surface, it’s simply “others happy, me happier”. But there is so much more to it than that.
Firstly, why is it even a question? Why do I “do” this? Helping isn’t even something I “do”. It’s part of me. “Doing” connotes something you exercise for a certain purpose, and yes, you can say that I “do” things to make people happy, but to me, I don’t see it that way.
It’s like asking someone who’s an introvert, “why do you do this?”
It’s just who I am.
People who know me know that I do what I want.
Sometimes, what I want to do coincides with making people happy. Doing what I want can be a selfish thought, but why should the act of carrying out “what I want to do” be selfish as well? I think that is what puzzles most people when I am unable to explain why I do these things.
Because I just feel like it.
“But people are going to take advantage of you.”
That is a valid concern, and sad to say I have met people who are like that. Of course I know if they are. Don’t worry about me. Remember: I do what I want.
This, coupled with the fact that I help others never purely due to my own altruism (I dare not claim such selflessness) nor am I a person who wears a mask of manners, means that I see no need to delay an immediate cessation of said help. So don’t worry.
It might be quite a difficult thing to understand, this part of me, so just accept the help and be done with it, will you?
Merry Christmas my dears.
P.S. alright this seemed like quite a narcissistic post, but I do whatever the fuck I want.